Persevering in the Tough Times
I just read a quote on my friends face book wall that mentioned the fact that people needed to hear about people persevering in their hardship, instead of the famous, I overcame the hardship and look I survived. What about the messy bits in between?
Well I am currently living in the messy bits in-between, my dear husband has recently under gone his third chemo therapy treatment for Non Hodgkins lymphoma, which got very aggressive and trust me this has not been a walk in the park.
I have found myself longing for it to be over, hoping that I have learnt all that I needed to learn so that I can just instantly get to the finish line of all of the treatments. My husband has had to endure countless doctors’ visits, tests, IV’s, medications, night sweats, nausea, emergency trips to the emergency clinics and other indignities that I am sure he would not like me discussing – The Messy Bits!
Our emotions have been all over the place, one minute we are flying high as we see how amazingly the Lord is coming through for us and bringing in provision as well as people to bring meals, love, friendship and of course prayer.
Then there have been the really low points, where we had both fooled ourselves into believing that his hair truly would not fall out, but then it started falling out by the fistful’s. That was devastating, as it makes that mark in the sand that says, look you truly are a cancer patient – The Messy Bits!
My husband asked me to shave his head as he truly only had strands left and I did not think at first that it was affecting me, but if I had to be honest, it was devastating. He had always had a head full of beautiful black hair, and now he was bald. I realize that many men are shaving their heads today because they are going bald; but to shave it, because the chemicals that are being put into your body makes your hair fall out, really plays havoc on your emotional state – The Messy bits!
The other very hard thing to watch has been to see how weak my husband has become, he can do things for a little while and then needs to go and lay down. To either sleep or just rest his body, you can see when he needs to because he loses all color in his face and is just dragging himself around – The Messy bits!
Another very hard thing has been to take this once extremely energetic man, who has never been afraid of hard work, to a store and when you are there you have to get a wheel chair, because he does not have the physical stamina any longer to walk around. That my friend is a very hard pill to swallow – The Messy bits!
He tends to have a problem with tremors in his legs at night time, which at time has forced me to sleep on a Mattress on the floor, or I would not have a good sleep at all – The Messy bits!
After he has a chemo treatment I am out of our bed for at least a week because he excretes the chemo through his skin and I don’t want to get sick – The Messy bits!
I have had moments of crying my heart out, not knowing if I can take another step on this hard journey because it feels like my heart is breaking within me as I watch the man that I love suffer so much – The messy bits!
I have had the privilege of being a stay home mom for all of my married life and one thing I hold dear to my heart is being there for my children in their celebration moments, learning to ride a bike for the first time, graduations, getting their first vehicles all of these things are important to them and they are important to me as well and recently I had to miss one such an event and to be honest it broke my heart. My dear friend rushed in to my rescue and participated in the event on my behalf, as I was at the emergency clinic with my husband. – The Messy bits!
I have had to learn how to give a needle to my husband so that his white blood count would go up sufficiently and I am generally a squeamish person but I managed to do it and did not feel like throwing up – The Messy bits!
Some people have asked me how am I managing to remain cheerful and positive through all of these traumatic events and to be honest the only way that it is happening is because of the Spirit of the Living God living within me, strengthening me and enabling me to get way out of my comfort zone and into a zone of complete dependence on him.
I am in awe myself that I have not fallen to pieces, but I know that it is God who is sustaining me, reassuring me that he is with me and that because of his mighty power at work in my life and in the life of my husband and children, all things will work together for our good in the end, because we love and serve him.
In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
God has reassured me that even when we go through trials that we do not think we will be able to survive he knows and sees our weaknesses and he prays for us and asks God for His mighty will to be done in our lives and then He promises that because we love Him all things, even hard things will work out for the good in the end.
This gives me peace, which also comes from God, to be able to handle these tough situations. I am so grateful to the Lord for the Joy he has given to me through His Spirit and for the assurance that even though some things I have to face I might not like and are hard, He will never leave nor forsake me!
Therefore, I can say thank you Lord, that even when I wanted to give up, God has given me the strength to put one foot in front of the other and not just walk but run and actually in some places enjoy the journey.
I would like to encourage you, if you are going through a tough situation right now and you don’t know how you are going to survive it, cry out to God and he will not only meet you where you are at, but allow you to actually thrive there too.
I might not think that I am always thriving where I am at in the midst of the journey but if I really look at the situation I am thriving as I am filled with a joy that is supernatural, a peace that passes all understanding, compassion that I never thought I had and a perseverance to keep going to the end because I know that the Lord holds me and I will be ok.
Call on Jesus today and allow him to come and help you in your situations and I promise that you will not be disappointed about how he gets to work on your behalf.
Filed under: Our new Journey